|Kurt Metzger Talks to Young People About Sex|
Thursday, February 13, 2003
( 2:46 PM ) kurt
Close The Book on Hate!
101 ways to combat prejudice!
Ways 11-20, with introduction by Kurt Metzger.
Hi! I’m Kurt Metzger. Recently, while exiting the subway, I happened upon a tattered Anti-Defamation League pamphlet entitled “101 ways to combat prejudice,” lying on the ground.
“Combat prejudice?” I said, “Count me in!” I quickly bent down to pick it up.
“But Kurt!” said my brain, “That pamphlet is covered in pee!”
“Shut up, bitch!” I said to my brain, “You’re just saying that because you hate minorities! Well, that shit is over with!” Then I punched myself in the brain and called it a Pollack. I noticed an Asian American watching me. “Don’t listen to my brain!” I said, “I love you people!” My Asian friend looked confused, or maybe tired. It’s hard to tell because Asians are so inscrutable. Anyway, it was clear that I had quite a bit of reading to do!
Listed here are some of the best points in the publication. The ink was smeared in parts because of all the diverse pee, but I filled in the missing sentences using my innate love of multiculturalism.
Combating Prejudice At School:
11. Research pro-diversity websites, then build your own website and link it to your school’s! I recommend the following pro-diversity sites: BlacksOnBlondes.com, SavagesOnBlondes.com, Cathydoesblacks.com, and ExploitedteensAsia!
12. Devote time in art classes to designing a Diversity Quilt with each patch representing a student’s individual heritage. Then, along with your diverse friends, (Black, Asian, Dominican, etc.) throw the quilt over the head of an Arab and take turns kicking him as an act of retribution for 9/11!
13. Survey local card and gift shops for product lines geared toward diverse groups. Write to greeting card companies and local merchants to advocate for expanding the diversity of selections. For example, make sure Hallmark has a line of cards to say “Sorry to hear about your sickle cell!” or, “Here’s wishing your daughter a joyful circumcision!” or “Happy Birthday, Christ-Killer!”
14. Plan family outings to diverse neighborhoods in and around your community. Then celebrate the people of different cultures you meet by encouraging your children to pet them.
15. Speak out against jokes and slurs that target people or groups. For example, let’s say as a joke someone had decided to write this next suggestion: “Read and encourage your children to read books that promote understanding of different cultures. Or, if you are Black or Hispanic, just look at the pictures!” Well, then you should write your congressman and burn their house down.
16. Build your own diversity float that helps dispel stereotypes about racial penis sizes, and start a parade. I hope those of you who live near me in Brooklyn enjoy my “Tribute to the unsung, giant cocks of Southeast Asia” float, which will be driving up and down our block next Sunday.
In The Workplace:
17. Learn to respect individual work styles, such as the “Disgruntled immigrant janitor who was a doctor in his homeland”, the “White rage spree killer”, and the classic “Fat Black n’ Sassy!”
18. Mark important ethnic holidays on office calendars along with a description of each holiday. Examples include “Yom Kippur-Jews get day off work to feast on Christian babies.” And “Kwanza-We all know it’s bullshit”
In Your Place of Worship:
19. Invite clergy from other religions to visit your place of worship and deliver the sermon. Remark on how nice he or she is, and how it’s a shame that they will burn forever in hell.
20. Remember, God loves a person no matter what their ethnic background, unless they are a homo.
Well, I hope this has been informative! If you found it any anyway offensive it’s probably because you are racist.